Unmarried with Children
by Jemascola
Summary: The Bundy family learns that Kelly is pregnant.
1. Chapter 1

**Unmarried…with Children**

_**By Joe**_

**Summary:** The Bundy family learns that Kelly is pregnant.

**Author Notes:** I do not own _Married…with Children_, its characters, or any other copyrighted material. I wrote this solely for entertainment purposes and not to make a profit.

**Chapter 1**

One Friday evening, forty-one-year-old Al Bundy entered his house at 9764 Jeopardy Lane in Chicago, Illinois. He felt very tired after a long week of stuffing fat women's feet into shoes that were obviously too small for them. What was worse was that since Al made very little money, he didn't have any money for food – especially since his wife, Peggy, spent it all on frivolous things for herself. Al was quite a bit irritated that he was the only one in his family working his butt off just to make ends meet and that everyone else mooched off him and spent money he didn't have. Al wanted nothing more to relax this weekend, but he knew that would never happen. More than likely, Peggy would insist that they have sex. Sure, it would only last a minute and a half – three, maybe, but it was just so hard for Al to endure it that no matter how short and pathetic the sex was, the memories and stress of it would haunt Al the rest of his time off.

After Al hung his beige jacket on the coat hanger, he loosened his striped red and blue necktie and walked to the refrigerator in the kitchen and opened it. He didn't find any beer, though he wasn't surprised. He trudged back to the family room and collapsed in the smelly, dusty old yellow and orange sofa. Al then slowly put his right hand inside his dark brown pants and then picked up the remote control with his other hand and turned on the TV – the one thing that perhaps kept Al from committing suicide. Al clicked through the various channels that were available on the cable he stole from Marcy Rhoades, his chicken-legged neighbor. Al finally settled on a rerun of _Psycho Dad_ and remained motionless for the next thirty minutes until the show ended.

It was then that his true misery began. "Oh Aaaaaalll…" called a voice from upstairs. Al groaned at the voice. "Are you home yet?" Upon hearing the question, it seemed that Peggy wasn't sure whether or not Al was home. Al was hopeful for the first time in a long time. Maybe he could leave the house and hang out at the nudie bar. Unfortunately, he was too late. Peggy, the tall, red-haired monster, came down the stairs and found Al on the sofa. "There you are!" Peggy said. "It's Friday night, and you know what that means."

"Sure death and torture await me?" Al asked with an annoyed expression.

"I want sex, Al," Peggy said flatly.

"Well, I want a hot wife, but we can't get everything we want, now, can we, Peg?" Al asked.

"Oh, I know all about that," Peggy said. "I can't even go five feet into the bathroom without stepping in your urine because you can't aim right."

Al was just about to make a smart comeback to Peggy's statement, when suddenly, the Bundys' blonde-haired seventeen-year-old daughter, Kelly, came in through the front door. She looked surprised to see her parents downstairs and actually looked a little guilty. Of course, that was the norm for Kelly, but for some reason, she looked more guilty and worried than usual.

Kelly coughed and said, "H-hi, M-mom. Hi, D-daddy."

"Kelly, what are you doing coming home this late?" Al asked. "School lets out at 3:30. That means you've been out an extra three and a half hours."

Kelly's face turned red, and she didn't say anything for a second. "I w-was l-looking for a job, Daddy."

Al then burst into laughter and then said, "Nice try, you'll have to do better than that!"

Kelly didn't know what to say. She simply couldn't tell her parents where she had been. They would never like what she would have to tell them. Fortunately, the Bundys' son, Bud, came in and distracted Al from interrogating Kelly.

"Bud, where've you been?" Al asked.

Bud looked a little embarrassed as well but then cleared his throat and said, "I h-had a hot date."

Al laughed and laughed once again. "You kids. Making up stories like that," he said.

"Aaall…" Peggy whined, changing the subject. "I want sex!"

"Oh, Peg, I don't wanna!" Al started. Unfortunately, it was too late for him. Peggy laughed giddily as she grabbed him by the arm and led him upstairs to what would surely be worse than an eternity in Hell. Al screamed and tried to keep from going upstairs by holding onto the banister, but Peggy was too strong for him. Several loud screams and evil laughter could be heard in Al and Peggy's bedroom when the door shut. Although this kind of activity would be horrifying to most people, Bud and Kelly took no notice. This was typical behavior on Friday nights.

Kelly looked a little relieved when Al and Peggy were gone, and Bud and she just looked at each other. "Where were you anyway, you little horndog?" Kelly asked.

"Um…like I said, I had a hot date," Bud said nervously. As he took off his coat, though, a name tag fell out, and Kelly grabbed it before Bud could and tried with the best of her ability to read it.

"Pimples-without-Partners, Bud?" Kelly asked.

Bud angrily snatched the card from Kelly and put it in his pocket. "Oh yeah, well where were you? Doing another one-night stand?"

Kelly looked a little embarrassed and said, "Bud…I know we may not get along much, but I need you to keep a secret. Please, I'm _begging_ you. Whatever you do, you _can't_ tell Mom and Dad."

"Okay," Bud said, eager to find out what the secret was.

"All right, well, I went to the doctor's today, and it turns out…I'm pregrant," Kelly said nervously.

Bud could tell that this situation was truly more tense than usual and that Kelly was genuinely concerned. However, he couldn't help but raise his eyebrow. "_Pregrant?_ Don't you mean _preg__**nant?**_" he asked. His stupid sister was notorious for butchering commonly used words.

"Yeah…" Kelly said slowly.

Bud's eyes widened. This really was the real deal. He had always hinted at Kelly's promiscuous activities before, and while her parents didn't seem to approve, they rarely, if ever, punished or scolded her. But somehow, both Bud and Kelly realized that things weren't going to be as whimsical or comical as they had seemed to be for the past several years. And as far as Bud was concerned, this gave him a wonderful opportunity to get back at Kelly for all the virgin jokes she had made about him. This would make him untouchable. A smile came to his face and said, "Oh my God, Kel, I knew this was coming! You're really gonna get it now. Just imagine what Dad's gonna do when he finds out. I mean, you've been a slut this whole time, but now that you've got a baby coming…man, I would not want to be you right now…"

"Dad's not gonna find out, 'cause you aren't gonna tell him! You promised!" Kelly snapped. "And if you do, I'm gonna pulverize you and stab Isis with a needle."

"Nooo!" wailed Bud. "Not Isis!" Isis was Bud's blow-up girl doll that he often used as a substitute for the real thing, and he could never do without her. Perhaps he wasn't as untouchable as he thought.

Suddenly, Al poked his head out from the bedroom and looked down at his children. His thinning brown hair had become unruly, and he looked simply defeated after suffering sex with Peggy. "What the hell's going on down there?" Al asked. "I heard you yelling."

"Kelly's pregnant!" Bud blurted without thinking but then realized he shouldn't have said that. Kelly gave him a hard jab in the stomach and then pounded him in the face a few times. Kelly turned to her father to see what his reaction was. All Al did was fall over and pass out. Kelly knew she was in for it once Al woke up again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Half an hour passed before Al woke up again, and while Kelly, Bud, and Peggy should have moved Al to the sofa or bed to try to get him in the most comfortable position, they just left him lying on the upstairs floor. After Al fainted, Peggy just looked down at Al but then came downstairs and started watching TV. She didn't seem too surprised by Al's fainting episode, as she thought he had passed out from how brutal she was with him. Bud, who was very sore from Kelly clobbering him, limped past Al and lay on his bed. Kelly felt very nervous with Peggy downstairs but was glad that she didn't seem to hear what Bud blurted out. However, when Al finally did wake up, Kelly's heart raced. She hoped that Al wouldn't remember what was said. Unfortunately, Kelly's hopes were crushed when Al just glared menacingly at her. He walked slowly down the stairs with the same expression. Once he got downstairs, his mouth opened a little in disgust, revealing his yellowed teeth, and slowly walked toward Kelly and Peggy on the sofa. Kelly looked really worried when she saw the rage in Al's eyes, and apparently, Peggy picked up on what was going on and looked curiously at Al and Kelly.

"Al? What's going on?" Peggy asked. "You haven't looked this excited since before we got married."

"Peg," Al said somewhat calmly through gritted teeth. "I have news for you. Bud told me that my seventeen-year-old daughter is _pregnant!_" Al snapped, putting great emphasis on the last word. He looked furious and glared at Kelly, who almost fell of the sofa in fright. She knew her problems were only beginning.

Peggy's eyes popped open and looked Kelly disapprovingly. "_Pregnant!_ Kelly, you're only seventeen! You're not supposed to have sex without marriage until you're seventeen and a half!"

Kelly felt so worried and embarrassed that she couldn't look either of her parents in the eye. "Kelly? Kelly! Look at us when we're talking to you!" Al snapped. Kelly slowly turned her head to see her parents – both of whom looked angry and disappointed. "Who's the boy!" demanded Al. Kelly didn't answer and just gulped. "Kelly, I'm talking to you! _Who is he!_" Al demanded again, his voice getting louder and angrier.

"R-R-Robert Paeden," Kelly answered nervously.

"How did this happen?" Al continued. "Oh, wait, I should know how this happened. You're out sleeping with random boys every day!"

"How old is he, Kelly?" Peggy asked in an upset tone of voice.

"He's almost twenty," Kelly answered in an ashamed tone of voice.

"_Twenty!_" gasped Al. "So I take it he doesn't even go to your school!"

"Nope. He's been out of high school for almost…two years," Kelly said.

"Does he have a job? So help me, he'd _better_ have a job!" Al yelled.

"Yes, Daddy," Kelly said.

"Well, Kelly, you're sure not getting off the hook with this! You and that bum Robert are getting married, and you are going to get a job to support that kid!" Al declared. Normally, Al was strongly against marriage, but it was better than having Kelly raise a child alone on one income.

"Dad, no!" cried Kelly with tears starting to stream down her face. "I'm part Wanker girl, and Wanker girls don't work!"

"Shut up with that nonsense!" Al snapped. "You're pregnant, so you have no excuses! You got yourself into this mess, and you're going to have to do something about it. I can't believe it. You've ruined your future…or what future you could have had if you actually had any talent besides getting _knocked up!_ Just look at me. I could have made something of my life if I didn't have sex with that _red cow_ and went to college!"

"Don't blame me, Al. You wouldn't have amounted to anything anyway. Remember the Bundy Curse," Peggy said.

"Shut up, woman!" Al ordered. Al then turned to Kelly with a true look of anger she'd never seen in him before. "And one more thing, Kelly," Al said. "You don't live here anymore. You've got a week to find an apartment, and after that, you're outta here! Now, go upstairs, and start packing your things!"

"Dad, please…" Kelly started.

"_**Now!**_" roared Al.

Kelly sobbed as she got off the couch and went towards the stairs. It was then that she saw Bud looking downstairs and snickering in delight. Kelly immediately stopped crying and felt rage. "Shut up, pimple boy!" she screeched. She flew up the stairs and pounced on Bud and started beating the tar out of him – almost knocking the wind out of him.

"Kelly, stop it!" Peggy yelled as she hurried to pull Kelly off Bud but was then stopped by Al. "Al, get out of my way! Aren't you going to stop Kelly?"

"Let her kill him, Peg," Al said in a disgusted tone of voice. "If she does, then that'll be two kids we're rid of."

Peggy stood for a moment and thought. Finally, she said, "Good point" and sat back on the sofa and continued to watch TV. Al joined her, and after a minute, Kelly finally quit beating up Bud. She could be heard crying her eyes out as she hurried into her room and slammed the door. Bud could also be heard straining to breathe in the hall. This was definitely not a good evening for any of the Bundys.


End file.
